Do you now think I am a little crazy for hearing voices? Well if you know me you already would say that I am. 🙂 I am crazy for my God, my family and others in my life.
But lately I’ve been taking a lot of time to think about this venue (i.e. blogging) It really is a personal journey of stretching and exposing what I really think and how I feel. It is not private though… it is “out there”. My goal is to be transparent and real.
WHO DOES THIS? I am starting to think I am in the minority. But I know that I am drawn to sharing on this blog to help others. I have received quite a few private messages on how I have helped someone or that I helped them reframe their way of thinking. Some have even said they are trying to be more boldly blessed as well. And I get encouragement to continue and I have even been asked in the past week where my posts are and when I am going to get back to it. (thanks to my cheerleaders)
It is in my head! But not online. I have had that negative churning voice of self-doubt creep in. I WANT TO SHAKE IT! …who am I to write this way… no one else is doing this… are you sure you are in the right place to do this… what do people really think… and you guessed it … this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Even last Sunday from the pulpit, my church youth pastor was preaching on the importance of listening. And he feels like social networking is a cry to be heard and understood. He even said that blogging is a cry for people to be heard. OUCH! It has taken 4 days and this isn’t a personal sting anymore but it did give supporting evidence to my “voices”. And it helped in the halt of me posting. It gave power to the “voices”, which was not needed.
But then today on my “quiet day” (all 3 kids are in school), I was exceptionally grateful for God’s understanding and provision. So, I went to my ipod and the first song that came up was about voices in my head. NO Joke!
Mark Schultz – You are a Child of Mine lyrics — read if you want… or listen here… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExLouwVF4Q4
I’ve been hearing voices
Telling me that I could
Never be what I wanna be.
They’re binding me with lies,
Haunting me at night,
And saying there’s nothing to believe.
Somewhere in the quietness,
When I’m overcome with loneliness,
I hear You call my name.
And like a father You are near
And as I listen I can hear You say
You are a child of Mine
Born of My own design
And you bear the heart of life.
No matter where you go,
Oh, you will always know
You have been made free in Christ.
You are a child of Mine
And so I listen as You tell me who I am
And who it is I’m gonna be .
And I hang on every word,
Knowing I have heard
I am Yours and I am free
But when I am alone at night
That is when I hear the lie
You’ll never be enough
And though I’m giving into fear
If I listen I can hear You say
WOW!!!!! That was what I needed. Then I listened to this song cranked up sooooo loud and I was belting it out!
That chorus in bold gets me… I am a child of His born of His own design. If I feel called to share and use this venue that I will be qualified to use it as it needs to be used.
I am going to work on letting the voices fade away. I am going to keep on the path of being transparent and bold to encourage others to be as well.
Lost my way for a bit…
BUT I am a child of His own design and I won’t be stopped! WILL YOU??