Hearing Voices…

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Do you now think I am a little crazy for hearing voices?  Well if you know me you already would say that I am. 🙂  I am crazy for my God, my family and others in my life.

But lately I’ve been taking a lot of time to think about this venue (i.e. blogging)  It really is a personal journey of stretching and exposing what I really think and how I feel.  It is not private though… it is “out there”.  My goal is to be transparent and real.

WHO DOES THIS?  I am starting to think I am in the minority.  But I know that I am drawn to sharing on this blog to help others.  I have received quite a few private messages on how I have helped someone or that I helped them reframe their way of thinking.  Some have even said they are trying to be more boldly blessed as well.  And I get encouragement to continue and I have even been asked in the past week where my posts are and when I am going to get back to it.  (thanks to my cheerleaders)

It is in my head!  But not online.  I have had that negative churning voice of self-doubt creep in.  I WANT TO SHAKE IT!  …who am I to write this way… no one else is doing this… are you sure you are in the right place to do this… what do people really think…  and you guessed it … this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Even last Sunday from the pulpit, my church youth pastor was preaching on the importance of listening.  And he feels like social networking is a cry to be heard and understood.  He even said that blogging is a cry for people to be heard.  OUCH!  It has taken 4 days and this isn’t a personal sting anymore but it did give supporting evidence to my “voices”.  And it helped in the halt of me posting.  It gave power to the “voices”, which was not needed.

But then today on my “quiet day” (all 3 kids are in school), I was exceptionally grateful for God’s understanding and provision.  So, I went to my ipod and the first song that came up was about voices in my head.  NO Joke!

Mark Schultz – You are a Child of Mine lyrics — read if you want… or listen here… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExLouwVF4Q4

I’ve been hearing voices
Telling me that I could
Never be what I wanna be.
They’re binding me with lies,
Haunting me at night,
And saying there’s nothing to believe.
Somewhere in the quietness,
When I’m overcome with loneliness,
I hear You call my name.
And like a father You are near
And as I listen I can hear You say

Chorus:
You are a child of Mine
Born of My own design
And you bear the heart of life.
No matter where you go,
Oh, you will always know
You have been made free in Christ.
You are a child of Mine

And so I listen as You tell me who I am
And who it is I’m gonna be .
And I hang on every word,
Knowing I have heard
I am Yours and I am free
But when I am alone at night
That is when I hear the lie
You’ll never be enough
And though I’m giving into fear
If I listen I can hear You say

WOW!!!!!  That was what I needed.  Then I listened to this song cranked up sooooo loud and I was belting it out!

That chorus in bold gets me… I am a child of His born of His own design.  If I feel called to share and use this venue that I will be qualified to use it as it needs to be used.

I am going to work on letting the voices fade away.  I am going to keep on the path of being transparent and bold to encourage others to be as well.

Lost my way for a bit…

BUT I am a child of His own design and I won’t be stopped!  WILL YOU??

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About Kristin

I started this blog thing years ago in August 2011. I have made attempts to blog over the past three years of seminary, but it was like writing when drowning. But I have completed the bulk of my course work, so I know there is a God. I am currently in my capstone creation phase this fall. This allows me time to unravel a little and renew my passion for writing my ramblings. If you like what you read, share what it stirs in you or even share it with others. I write for you from me. A little about me... I have celebrated 16 years of wedded bliss and reality with my best friend for over 17 years. We have 3 wonderful kids that are all unique, amazing and different in their own way. Our first born is nearly a teenager. He loves talking, Scouts, reading, camping and science experiments. Our daughter is a decade old. She is our creative soul and a planner! She loves to spend time dancing, singing and nurturing/teaching her babydolls and us. She is very sweet to her brothers. Last but not least is our daring 6 year old red head boy. He broke the "Wooldridge Mold". He is the fastest runner, our busiest explorer, our deep philosopher and biggest joker, oh and he gives the best hugs. You know the long lingering kind that truly fuel your soul to sing. I have been a stay at home mom for nearly 13 years and I have found a groove that works for our family. (That grove doesn't mean I have it figured out. It just means I am good with asking for help and having my family help us survive.) Twelve years ago, I joined a local MOPS group and I have been the Coordinator for 1o years. This group has given me a chance to lead without working full time, support other women in my community and help refine my walk with God. I also attend Central Baptist Theological Seminary. I am pursuing a Masters of Divinity and loving every minute of it. I am currently working on my capstone project, which a ministry guide for the MOPS group I have lead for a decade. It will serve as a touchpoint for those in leadership and also as a sweet offering as my goodbye to meaningful work that touched every part of my life and taught me that I am called to pastor. My life isn't perfect as the paragraph above makes it seem. But I have traveled through those harder times and found strength and support through them. Hoping to use this blog as a spot to write my thoughts, feelings and stories as I keep on living life! God Bless you and keep you. We each need to remember the Divine is within each of us. Be kind to yourself and to others.

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