Ahhh… I love two-year olds. They are the great ego equalizer. If you hang out with one for any amount of time you will find out quickly that they feel you are just a pawn in the game of life.
My family is not outside riding bikes, swinging on our super cool playlet, or going for a walk. To be honest we are chilling out the modern way after a crazy 24 hours of multiple fun events for school and scouts.
Here is what we are doing at this very moment… (can’t believe I am going to admit this…)
> I am blogging from Amon’s new iPad after spending an hour playing fruit ninja with Rhett, messaging my mom on Facebook, and glancing at Pinterest at things I may never make, cook or do.
> Ian has spent an hour on Amon’s android phone calculating crazy math problems, playing fruit ninja, and now he is listening to k-love being streamed live and singing out loud
> Kaylee has spent an hour on my iPhone watching ballet performances on YouTube (including an amazing one with a man missing a leg and the woman missing an arm), then she laughed out loud watching babies being silly, now she has on headphones and is creating cheer moves to the songs streaming on k-love
> Rhett barely napped and wanted to watch a show, then he moved on to fruit ninja with me, he then played with his fire trucks and tried riding our dog Harley.
> Amon has missed all this because he is unplugged completely and is napping after a hard week and lots of hours helping with the pinewood derby for cub scouts.
Shocking!!!!! I can’t believe I have admitted this. And I will also admit that we have all been happily getting along in the same room (except Amon). No mid afternoon fights or WWIII moments. This can’t be our new thing to do all the time, but today I think it has provided a healthy outlet for each of us based on being together and independently entertained.
Now to sign off to watch Ian play with Harley. I’m going to play fire trucks with Rhett and listen to Kaylee sing from her creative center that Jesus loves her and enjoy being together… Well until someone gets hurt…
Oh shoot!!! Ian just hit Rhett in the side of the head with a hard dog toy… Oh my!!!
Maybe technology is safer!!!! Never a dull moment in our home.
In a previous decade of my life, I would have claimed to be an athlete. In junior high and high school, I played school sports. I sweated it out with lots of hot summer volleyball practices and played basketball in the winter. My desire to be with some friends is why I played. I didn’t play well. I would get too caught up in the next play or what could happen to change the game. Both of which I had no control over. (That was early in my type A-ness) It was actually what lead to the demise of my athletic career. (Ha!)
I remember going to practice out of obligation to the team, but it was a not seeing the forest for the trees kind of moment. I know now that our coach saw something in each of her girls. She knew with desire, hard work, and teamwork we could all be great. I didn’t get the memo.
I saw the differences in natural ability and desire. I realized that I didn’t want that path as much as my teammates. I stuck it out for a while longer than I should have, but it was a good experience for me to have a coach who cared. She cared not only about the plays but the players. I can clearly see God in this way too. He cares more about the players than the plays we make.
Can you imagine how many basketball playboards God is working all the time and at the same time?
He should guide our plays and we should follow them. It sounds easy. But I struggle everyday in challenging myself to control the playboard on my own.
Need to keep my focus that God is my coach.
Not only in the overtime moments in the game of life, when all is tied between good and bad. When all I want is another free throw to win the challenge.
I need to concentrate and feel his direction on my playboard. To be in the quiet and loud moments of my life, searching for His council and the next play.
I need to not just take a knee… but two!
Yes. I’ve been thinking more about fear and my life. (Cheery to read first thing, eh? I promise lighter posts soon)
I am not a habitually fearful person, possibly because I of my pragmatic nature. I tend to reason myself out of fears. I don’t like how I feel when I’m afraid. You know that unsettled, sketchy nervous look. If someone says boo, I would be in the rafters. Most of the time, I am cool. (Wound up, but cool) I know my faith helps me to keep centered and clear headed.
BUT (you knew that but was coming unless I am a robot) certain things can spin me into full fledge crazy fear.
Let’s list a few shall we: (more of course than just these exist)
> Losing a child at any time… even just losing them in a store (need a couple of mother merit badges on that scarring)
> Having a child run toward a busy street (it has been almost 7 years and I am still not over it)
> Having a husband fly weekly for 2 years for work (and he said it was safer than driving to work… which he does now… hmm)
> A friend or family member in pain or distress from a disease or problem that can’t be changed/fixed/treated easily. (I’ve seen and felt God’s hand during these times and I know His plan is the plan.)
> Someday having to say goodbye to family members who have made me, well me. (Just remembered my mother in law on Monday… she joined God way too soon. Can’t believe 8 years have gone by. She had 3 grandchildren then, now she has 10)
Ok so those are some big ones. I have real fears… big and small.
I attempt to keep my focus on trusting God more and loving others as much as I can. I have to let go of some fears as well. I can’t live with the fear of not meeting other’s expectations perfectly anymore. I can only do, be, achieve what I can each day while at the same time guiding, helping, leading, preparing, shaping and praying for our family’s loving home on top of living, sweeping, folding, cleaning and cooking. I can’t meet others needs like I used to and I know that can be hurtful. But I can only do what I can.
Wondering if fear makes you fear more or trust more?