A Reflection in my Rearview Mirror of Blogging

 

 

Eighteen months ago it all started with the following 171-word blog post.

Why boldlyblessed? (My First boldyblessed Blog Post August 10, 2011)

I have spent the last few days taking time to pray on what this verse means to me.

2 Timothy 1:7 God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible.

This is the 2011 MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) theme verse. It is the first one in 7 years to shake me by the shoulders and demand my attention. Sound violent? Well, just think how I am feeling.

It is violent in a good way! It is one of those perfect storm kind of moments where life experience, leadership possibilities and personality meet. I feel like this one is just me. Hopefully it strikes the same chord with the entire MOPS population.

For me it is giving me permission to be ME. To use my gifts of leadership, experience and ease with others. For years I have unconsciously thought, “oh now Kristin don’t do this or that”. Well that voice needs to be stopped. I am ready to live boldly and help other women to do the same.

 

I had just returned exhausted and exhilarated from the 2011 MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) Convention.  It always is a great weekend break from my mothering reality.  In 2011, I left my three kids for not just a break.  I was in search of a holy time for restoration, retooling and affirmation.

A MOPS Convention is packed with nationally known speakers and authors at general sessions, popular music acts that inspire the crowd with their passion, and small workshops so I can tailor my experience to my needs as a leader, mother and woman.  I have only missed one year.  I still regret not making the choice to invest in myself.  I had thought I was selfish if I went, but it has been years since I missed.  Now I encourage others to not limit themselves.

During this particular convention, I felt an overwhelming desire to be more bold and stop the negative self-talk.  I had mindless conversations playing in my head of why I could or couldn’t do something. The idea of being bold to me made me feel free and empowered.  Each year MOPS has a theme verse and I couldn’t have missed it if I had tried.  The verse for the was shared in many different ways from posters, powerpoint and speakers from the general session stage.  God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible. (2 Timothy 1:7)  It was a turning point for me.  I deeply felt I had a mission statement for my life.  It still speaks clearly for me to boldly love others with my God-given gifts.

When I got home, my normal life rocked me back into reality.  August is time for back-to-school, MOPS kicking into high gear, and all the routines crashing back into our family calendar.  At that time, I was focused on everyone else.  I still burned with the need to share and encourage others to be bold with me.  I decided to blog, because it is a platform that I could share myself and inspire others.

My first post was 171 words of vulnerability and exhilaration.  My thoughts started living outside my journals and I prayed they would help someone else.  It has been wonderful to have  developed some supporters and I have posted 75 times since I started.  I feel like I have stayed true to my mission statement.  I want to am no longer focused on who reads the posts or how many readers I reach.  I want to continue living in my awareness of being boldly blessed by God and I will blog to reach others who search insight, humor and a woman who is the real deal.

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Worry, Anxiety, Stress = Life?

From time to time I go the dark, low, ugly place of worry, anxiety, and stress.  Thankfully, I don’t live with it all the time but it does seep in.  It reminds me of the dementors from Harry Potter.  It just seeps in and takes over.

Worry, anxiety and stress are a response of my brain when I start “what if-ing”.  Do you suffer from spinning “what if’s”?  It is awful and spiraling at times.

You may not, but here is what can happen in less than a minute in my head.

Using the previous post this week on bullying:  GO

> what if it was too soon to talk to the teacher?

> what if it was too late to talk to the teacher?

> what if the teacher thinks we could have handled it differently?

> what if the “talk”she mediates between the two boys is awful?

> what if the things were bad before and now they will be worse?

> what if the other boys gets mad and gets others to be mad at my son?

> what if this changes my son?

> what if I advise him incorrectly?

Ok, see and that was just a minute.  What if I typed faster? (yikes that was a true wonder not worry question)  And now since I have listed those what if’s they are even harder to silence.  So why share them on here and with you??  Well we all have these plaguing what if’s.  You can’t deny it.

I probably what if off and on all the time, but when I change-up the order of worry, anxiety, and stress, I see the word saw.  Saw?  Yep, saw!  This word makes me think of God.  Not following?  Let me explain.  God saw what has happened, he will see what will happen and he has already saw the outcome of it.  Nothing I can guess will change the outcome.  I need to see Him in the situation.

See “saw” can be a helpful word.  What a great little word to help get rid of the “ifs”.  I know that God has a plan even during this issue at school and that it won’t be the last.  I am not going to turn a blind’s eye to the issue but I am going to pray and put trust in God that he will provide me with the right words and encouragement for my son.

This week I have had a stalker.  Not in a scary way. (that is a story for another day)  No, Psalm 139 won’t leave me alone and I know it is no coincidence.  It was in my Sunday School class lesson, part of two devotionals I have read this week, an article from an old magazine I found, I heard part of it on the radio, it is part of Veggitales and today it was the additional reading to my Jesus Calling reading.

I hear you God.  I get it!!!! (well I am trying to get it)

I love all of Psalm 139, so I am glad it has weaved its way through my week.  But to help me get past my human nature of what if’s I would like to share the last two verses.  Maybe they will help you too.

23 -Search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24-See if there is any offensive ways in me and lead me in the way of everlasting.

Try to break your what if-ing.  It may just make you go crazy if we don’t.  I know I don’t what if on positive events.  Only the unknown and perceived negative ones.  I need to trust more.

Prayers for both you and I as we get past the what ifs!!

All of Psalm 139 if you are interested:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+139&version=NIV