Tag Archives: losing parents

Fear?? Again??

Standard

Yes. I’ve been thinking more about fear and my life. (Cheery to read first thing, eh? I promise lighter posts soon)

I am not a habitually fearful person, possibly because I of my pragmatic nature. I tend to reason myself out of fears. I don’t like how I feel when I’m afraid. You know that unsettled, sketchy nervous look. If someone says boo, I would be in the rafters. Most of the time, I am cool. (Wound up, but cool) I know my faith helps me to keep centered and clear headed.

BUT (you knew that but was coming unless I am a robot) certain things can spin me into full fledge crazy fear.

Let’s list a few shall we: (more of course than just these exist)

> Losing a child at any time… even just losing them in a store (need a couple of mother merit badges on that scarring)

> Having a child run toward a busy street (it has been almost 7 years and I am still not over it)

> Having a husband fly weekly for 2 years for work (and he said it was safer than driving to work… which he does now… hmm)

> A friend or family member in pain or distress from a disease or problem that can’t be changed/fixed/treated easily. (I’ve seen and felt God’s hand during these times and I know His plan is the plan.)

> Someday having to say goodbye to family members who have made me, well me.  (Just remembered my mother in law on Monday… she joined God way too soon.  Can’t believe 8 years have gone by.  She had 3 grandchildren then, now she has 10)

Ok so those are some big ones.  I have real fears… big and small.

I attempt to keep my focus on trusting God more and loving others as much as I can.  I have to let go of some fears as well.  I can’t live with the fear of not meeting other’s expectations perfectly anymore.  I can only do, be, achieve what I can each day while at the same time guiding, helping, leading, preparing, shaping and praying for our family’s loving home on top of living, sweeping, folding, cleaning and cooking.  I can’t meet others needs like I used to and I know that can be hurtful.  But I can only do what I can.

Wondering if fear makes you fear more or trust more?

Advertisements