Fear?? Again??

Yes. I’ve been thinking more about fear and my life. (Cheery to read first thing, eh? I promise lighter posts soon)

I am not a habitually fearful person, possibly because I of my pragmatic nature. I tend to reason myself out of fears. I don’t like how I feel when I’m afraid. You know that unsettled, sketchy nervous look. If someone says boo, I would be in the rafters. Most of the time, I am cool. (Wound up, but cool) I know my faith helps me to keep centered and clear headed.

BUT (you knew that but was coming unless I am a robot) certain things can spin me into full fledge crazy fear.

Let’s list a few shall we: (more of course than just these exist)

> Losing a child at any time… even just losing them in a store (need a couple of mother merit badges on that scarring)

> Having a child run toward a busy street (it has been almost 7 years and I am still not over it)

> Having a husband fly weekly for 2 years for work (and he said it was safer than driving to work… which he does now… hmm)

> A friend or family member in pain or distress from a disease or problem that can’t be changed/fixed/treated easily. (I’ve seen and felt God’s hand during these times and I know His plan is the plan.)

> Someday having to say goodbye to family members who have made me, well me.  (Just remembered my mother in law on Monday… she joined God way too soon.  Can’t believe 8 years have gone by.  She had 3 grandchildren then, now she has 10)

Ok so those are some big ones.  I have real fears… big and small.

I attempt to keep my focus on trusting God more and loving others as much as I can.  I have to let go of some fears as well.  I can’t live with the fear of not meeting other’s expectations perfectly anymore.  I can only do, be, achieve what I can each day while at the same time guiding, helping, leading, preparing, shaping and praying for our family’s loving home on top of living, sweeping, folding, cleaning and cooking.  I can’t meet others needs like I used to and I know that can be hurtful.  But I can only do what I can.

Wondering if fear makes you fear more or trust more?

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I am thawing out… shaking… but thawing out…

It has been a while… Too long of a while actually. Life came ahead of blogging and writing. And I promise you I lived quite a bit of life since my last blog post on November 10. (ouch, really?)

And to be honest with you, the living was busy, fun and at times plain old nutty. I would think, “oh I should write about this or wouldn’t this be great to share.” BUT then I would get busy again and not connect with myself or you. Even a few good friends have called (me out), emailed, and/or boldly asked on the phone if I was ever going to get back at “it”. Shoot… my blog absence was noticed… which made me wonder if it was being missed by others as well. I did need that encouragement because to be honest with myself and you…

FEAR HAD SET IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has been a process of self discovery for sure. Ups and downs included… and now FEAR!

The fear part has been there all along and the painful part associated with being open. You probably can relate. I hope. I can’t predict the future or reaction to a decision, choice, viewpoint, or direction… sooooo you FREEZE.

FROZEN in FEAR

Each time I was asked about my blog I felt my fear thawing a little. (and sheer panic set in… good times)

I still have fear in picking this back up again but a friend of mine recently posted something on Facebook that changed my perspective in multiple areas… Thanks Meri for this.

“Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage.”

And today I got a swift kick in the pants all the way from Alabama. Thanks Janalyn for taking me by the virtual shoulders and giving me a hard shake up to get me going again. She is right… if I have something to say then I am cheating myself and you by not saying it. (thanks for the pep talk… don’t forget to call back to my cell voicemail and leave the entire pep talk again so I can listen at anytime)

This blogs only purpose is to give a forum of faith in real life. And to help others understand that we are all made to need each other more than we will ever realize and that I am not perfect. I don’t have a writing degree. I don’t have a divinity degree. I can offer you what I have… me.

So here’s to a great re-start and to being BOLD to encourage others to live in and out their faith!!!

Special thanks to my cheerleaders: Janalyn, Amy, Karri and Holly.

And as my sweet husband has said since I stopped blogging, “If you would have posted each time you said you shoulda/woulda/coulda post, you wouldn’t have stopped… GO BLOG ALREADY!” (I just love that he loves me and wants to wring my overcommunicative neck sometimes)

BE BOLD!!!

PS- I am going to be keeping my WordPress page but hope to intergrate it with a Facebook page… look for some new things coming… and more blogs!! Send comments or messages to me anytime! This works just like Facebook and I would to hear what you think!!!