Fear?? Again??

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Yes. I’ve been thinking more about fear and my life. (Cheery to read first thing, eh? I promise lighter posts soon)

I am not a habitually fearful person, possibly because I of my pragmatic nature. I tend to reason myself out of fears. I don’t like how I feel when I’m afraid. You know that unsettled, sketchy nervous look. If someone says boo, I would be in the rafters. Most of the time, I am cool. (Wound up, but cool) I know my faith helps me to keep centered and clear headed.

BUT (you knew that but was coming unless I am a robot) certain things can spin me into full fledge crazy fear.

Let’s list a few shall we: (more of course than just these exist)

> Losing a child at any time… even just losing them in a store (need a couple of mother merit badges on that scarring)

> Having a child run toward a busy street (it has been almost 7 years and I am still not over it)

> Having a husband fly weekly for 2 years for work (and he said it was safer than driving to work… which he does now… hmm)

> A friend or family member in pain or distress from a disease or problem that can’t be changed/fixed/treated easily. (I’ve seen and felt God’s hand during these times and I know His plan is the plan.)

> Someday having to say goodbye to family members who have made me, well me.  (Just remembered my mother in law on Monday… she joined God way too soon.  Can’t believe 8 years have gone by.  She had 3 grandchildren then, now she has 10)

Ok so those are some big ones.  I have real fears… big and small.

I attempt to keep my focus on trusting God more and loving others as much as I can.  I have to let go of some fears as well.  I can’t live with the fear of not meeting other’s expectations perfectly anymore.  I can only do, be, achieve what I can each day while at the same time guiding, helping, leading, preparing, shaping and praying for our family’s loving home on top of living, sweeping, folding, cleaning and cooking.  I can’t meet others needs like I used to and I know that can be hurtful.  But I can only do what I can.

Wondering if fear makes you fear more or trust more?

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About Kristin

I started this blog thing years ago in August 2011. I have made attempts to blog over the past three years of seminary, but it was like writing when drowning. But I have completed the bulk of my course work, so I know there is a God. I am currently in my capstone creation phase this fall. This allows me time to unravel a little and renew my passion for writing my ramblings. If you like what you read, share what it stirs in you or even share it with others. I write for you from me. A little about me... I have celebrated 16 years of wedded bliss and reality with my best friend for over 17 years. We have 3 wonderful kids that are all unique, amazing and different in their own way. Our first born is nearly a teenager. He loves talking, Scouts, reading, camping and science experiments. Our daughter is a decade old. She is our creative soul and a planner! She loves to spend time dancing, singing and nurturing/teaching her babydolls and us. She is very sweet to her brothers. Last but not least is our daring 6 year old red head boy. He broke the "Wooldridge Mold". He is the fastest runner, our busiest explorer, our deep philosopher and biggest joker, oh and he gives the best hugs. You know the long lingering kind that truly fuel your soul to sing. I have been a stay at home mom for nearly 13 years and I have found a groove that works for our family. (That grove doesn't mean I have it figured out. It just means I am good with asking for help and having my family help us survive.) Twelve years ago, I joined a local MOPS group and I have been the Coordinator for 1o years. This group has given me a chance to lead without working full time, support other women in my community and help refine my walk with God. I also attend Central Baptist Theological Seminary. I am pursuing a Masters of Divinity and loving every minute of it. I am currently working on my capstone project, which a ministry guide for the MOPS group I have lead for a decade. It will serve as a touchpoint for those in leadership and also as a sweet offering as my goodbye to meaningful work that touched every part of my life and taught me that I am called to pastor. My life isn't perfect as the paragraph above makes it seem. But I have traveled through those harder times and found strength and support through them. Hoping to use this blog as a spot to write my thoughts, feelings and stories as I keep on living life! God Bless you and keep you. We each need to remember the Divine is within each of us. Be kind to yourself and to others.

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