To Do Lists

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For years I have lived in a world of lists.  Honestly as far back as I can remember I would make lists.  I know I watched my mom making her lists and how she would cross them off.  (I think she would say that I came into this world with a list and enjoyed checking off… being born 🙂 )  I always liked to add “extra” things I do to my list so I could cross them off.  It made me feel triumphant!

Motherhood made lists a lot harder.  Accomplishing even simple tasks were a struggle.  I really had lost control of my time and I had a lot more time than ever before since I was staying home.  A lot of mothering was and is reacting to life, new needs, new symptoms sometimes and new dynamics.  And I also got frustrated with myself and lists.  Nothing got crossed off some days and some weeks.  It created a current in me that I wasn’t being a good mom and that I was not going to ever catch up.  I would beat myself up so I just stopped writing it all down.  I had it in my head.  All lists… to-dos, to buy, to get done with my kids and to get at the grocery store.  It was not helpful and it was living in denial.  Because then all of a sudden BAM there was reality to hit me.  I wouldn’t get something important done, I would forget to call someone, I would let my kids down by running out of milk, etc.  So more of the beat myself kind of feeling.

So for years I lived like this.  But surviving without lists doesn’t work for me anymore.  I wasn’t completely away from lists.  Major events or ministry events were planned with lists and I could make those deadlines.  But a new era has dawned at our house.  I am back at making lists and working hard to cross them off.   But I have a better sense of balance now.  I break up the big projects into smaller pieces and I don’t beat myself up anymore!

It will all get done someday (or the night before if I have really procrastinated).  Usually if it has an * by it, it is done immediately.  It feels good to revisit a skill that is a talent and have structure again.  I know that deep down in me the recovering type A/first-born is giddy with delight saying, “Watch Out, I’m Back.”  Trying to keep balance as  my focal point and not let the doing get in the way of my living.

Do you have something that you have set aside because it brought you too much frustration?  What could you do to find balance in doing that again and not being so hard on yourself?

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About Kristin

I started this blog thing years ago in August 2011. I have made attempts to blog over the past three years of seminary, but it was like writing when drowning. But I have completed the bulk of my course work, so I know there is a God. I am currently in my capstone creation phase this fall. This allows me time to unravel a little and renew my passion for writing my ramblings. If you like what you read, share what it stirs in you or even share it with others. I write for you from me. A little about me... I have celebrated 16 years of wedded bliss and reality with my best friend for over 17 years. We have 3 wonderful kids that are all unique, amazing and different in their own way. Our first born is nearly a teenager. He loves talking, Scouts, reading, camping and science experiments. Our daughter is a decade old. She is our creative soul and a planner! She loves to spend time dancing, singing and nurturing/teaching her babydolls and us. She is very sweet to her brothers. Last but not least is our daring 6 year old red head boy. He broke the "Wooldridge Mold". He is the fastest runner, our busiest explorer, our deep philosopher and biggest joker, oh and he gives the best hugs. You know the long lingering kind that truly fuel your soul to sing. I have been a stay at home mom for nearly 13 years and I have found a groove that works for our family. (That grove doesn't mean I have it figured out. It just means I am good with asking for help and having my family help us survive.) Twelve years ago, I joined a local MOPS group and I have been the Coordinator for 1o years. This group has given me a chance to lead without working full time, support other women in my community and help refine my walk with God. I also attend Central Baptist Theological Seminary. I am pursuing a Masters of Divinity and loving every minute of it. I am currently working on my capstone project, which a ministry guide for the MOPS group I have lead for a decade. It will serve as a touchpoint for those in leadership and also as a sweet offering as my goodbye to meaningful work that touched every part of my life and taught me that I am called to pastor. My life isn't perfect as the paragraph above makes it seem. But I have traveled through those harder times and found strength and support through them. Hoping to use this blog as a spot to write my thoughts, feelings and stories as I keep on living life! God Bless you and keep you. We each need to remember the Divine is within each of us. Be kind to yourself and to others.

2 responses »

  1. We’re kindred spirits. I LOVE my lists! I use the task function in my google calendar and my favorite part of the day is clicking on the “Clear Completed Tasks” button and watching them all disappear! Ha!

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